Borscht Belt Joke #9

Driving in New York, a man was desperate to find a parking place. He looks up and he says, "Please God. If you would give me a parking space I would be a better person. I'll go to shul every Sabbath. I'll eat kosher. I'll call my mother every day. "Right away a place appeared in front of him, and he looks up and he says, "Never mind, God. I already found one."

Borscht Belt Joke #8

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mud-pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

Borscht Belt Joke #7

A drunk staggers into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. A member asks, "Are you here to join?"
The drunk says, "No, I came in to resign!"

Borscht Belt Joke #6

A man called his mother in Florida: "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered: "Because I didn't want my mouth should be full if you called."

Borscht Belt Joke #5

The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

Borscht Belt Joke #4

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way. A little wine, a little dinner, you know?"

Borscht Belt Joke #3

Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I AM 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

Borscht Belt Joke #2

A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says, "You’ve been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let’s get started."

Borscht Belt Joke #1

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

-Henny Youngman